humbled

Internet has been very unreliable & when it's up there are 10 people in line for use so I am just now getting a chance to write this already 1/2 way through my trip.

The first few weeks have been really hard here for me. I didn't think being away from my American comforts would be as challenging as they have. I am from Texas, it's hot, but I am not used to humidity. Sleeping at night sweating, toes swollen from the heat, not even being able to feel dry after bathing bc of the humidity it new to me. American food, my family, my friends, home, seemed to be constantly on my mind the first few weeks. The fact that ministry has not seemed to be at all what I expected hadn't help that. We have been helping out Pastor Forges at his church with the youth, boy & girl scouts, teaching English, some evangelism, & anything else the Pastor asks of us. These are all great things, just not what I expected....

One day last week on a free day we went to down town Port-au-Prince where most of the destruction happened. It was sad to see people's shelter in the median of the street made out of tin scraps from an old roof & anything else they could piece together. Rubble still was everywhere, piles here & there, not much seems like it has been done to clean the streets since January. It was so frustrating! I was thinking, how is this? Where is relief money going? Why?...... Why doesn't the government take action? Designate land somewhere, create jobs, hire people to help clean the streets & rebuild....... it seems like a logical start. These people don't have running water, or even clean water for that matter & their conditions are less than sanitary. I felt helpless. My heart cried as I wanted to do something to help, but what? We talked to a girl 19 years old 2 children, the baby only a few months old, who didn't even have a tent to sleep in. I felt awful being so selfish these first few weeks, wanting AC, missing being able to drive, ice, & every other luxury we have in the states. These people have nothing. Our team gave what little belongings we had on us & plan to go back & leave our tents & other posesions to the people at that location. Even so, how is this enough? These people need real change. The next few days were still hard as I've wondered what God is teaching me through all of this. Through many team pow pows & reading other people's blogs, I am reminded of how small I am & how big God is. I cannot do anything one thing in my own power to change these peoples lives, or hearts. God knows the plan he has for Haiti. Though I don't fully understand it, the plan remains the same. This nation before the earthquake spiritually rested in the hands of vodo doctors. Post earthquake, numbers in Christ based churches have grown tremendously. Rock Solid Church where we serve, has more than tripled in size! Praise God! The hearts of so many are light & full of joy. God IS here & working & we will see what he has in store with time....